Monday, January 5
My birthday. I'm 18. Legally an adult. Old enough to vote. Nana baked a cake. Despite my protestations, the whole family pulled out all the stops. They sang Happy Birthday and took me out to Red Lobster.
But before Red Lobster, we did the presents. I got a sweater from Nana, a shaving kit from Grandpa (GOD!!!!) But Lilly's present was the worst. I was shocked, first of all, that she gave me anything at all. But when I tore the paper off, I immediately wished she hadn't. It was The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex. She laughed her pug-faced ass off. Furious, I hurled it at her and she ducked and it ended up breaking this handcrafted vase that Nana bought in Jerusalem ages ago.
Grandpa insisted on taking me for a drive. Well, I drove. He talked. A lot. I don't feel like writing out everything he said. It was excruciating the first time. There is no reason to repeat it. I guess it was a typical Be-a-good-boy-keep-your-nose-clean-work-hard-and-honor-your-family kind of speech. I hope he wasn't reacting to Lilly's twisted prank. Actually, now that I think about it, he probably just wanted to get me out of the house before Nana could maim me for breaking that vase.
Red Lobster was kind of a bust. We were all eating and all of a sudden, Lilly, who had ordered a shrimp cocktail, started swelling up and getting all blue in the face. So we rushed her to Promptcare so she could get an adrenaline shot. Who knew she was allergic to shellfish?
God, I'm glad this day is almost over. I hoped Mia might call, because nothing but Mia could make me feel good right now. Not even the new laptop Ruth and Morty gave me for college.
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