Wow. I haven't updated this blog journal since high school and all my entries are about Mia. But I knew what awaited me when I reopened it. I was hoping it would help me to revisit the past, give me perspective and clarity. But it didn't. It just made me feel worse. So much for my experiment to get in touch with my feminine side! Forget that. I'm so damn tired. I've been working on Charlie all day, almost non-stop. We barely take breaks to eat. Some of the guys, and women, even eat while they work. This I refuse to do, so by the time I get around to ordering some take-out, I'm starving. I think about Mia all the time, even while I'm working, which is a little alarming. I used to be a master compartmentalizer but since that night back in NYC, when she went all Britney Spears on me, I can't close my eyes without seeing her face. And then my heart feels all heavy and painful and I get this knot in my throat. Thank God for Charlie. If it wasn't for Charlie, I don't know if I'd be able to get out of bed everyday.
I wish she would answer my emails.
1.14.2011
12.23.2010
Somebody shoot me, please!
Monday, January 19, around 8 PM
I am an asshole. I am a dork. I am the world's dorkiest boyfriend of the world's most beautiful, most perfect princess. God. Seriously. I am such a loser, I don't even deserve to have a girlfriend, let alone the most beautiful and perfect one.
Why did I leave a message? Why? Why not just hang up when the machine picked up, like I usually do? I felt so stupid.
"Uh, hi, Mia?"
Uh, hi yourself, Loser!
"Yeah, it's Michael."
No shit!
I'm dying inside. Dying from the shame and humiliation of it all. I just miss her voice, MISS HER, so much and I want her to call me and reassure me that she isn't dead or maimed somewhere. What is happening to me? My head is going crazy. I've never been like this before. I'm acting like.... like MIA!!!!
Will I ever get the hang of this having-a-girlfriend thing?
Is she mad at me or something?
All right, Moscovitz, you have to get a hold of yourself. Stop typing in your journal and go play Doom or something. That is an excellent idea. Nothing like Doom to relax the nerves and clear the head!
I am an asshole. I am a dork. I am the world's dorkiest boyfriend of the world's most beautiful, most perfect princess. God. Seriously. I am such a loser, I don't even deserve to have a girlfriend, let alone the most beautiful and perfect one.
Why did I leave a message? Why? Why not just hang up when the machine picked up, like I usually do? I felt so stupid.
"Uh, hi, Mia?"
Uh, hi yourself, Loser!
"Yeah, it's Michael."
No shit!
I'm dying inside. Dying from the shame and humiliation of it all. I just miss her voice, MISS HER, so much and I want her to call me and reassure me that she isn't dead or maimed somewhere. What is happening to me? My head is going crazy. I've never been like this before. I'm acting like.... like MIA!!!!
Will I ever get the hang of this having-a-girlfriend thing?
Is she mad at me or something?
All right, Moscovitz, you have to get a hold of yourself. Stop typing in your journal and go play Doom or something. That is an excellent idea. Nothing like Doom to relax the nerves and clear the head!
12.16.2010
Ruth and Morty are really into their tai chi
Sunday, Jan. 18, home
My parents started doing tai chi last year and now they are back at it. Their tai chi class meets on Sundays for some reason. Lilly met Tina at Tina's parents apt, which is just a few blocks from us, to work on Lilly Tells It Like It Is. So I had the place to myself for most of the afternoon. Felix and Paul came over and we had an all out jam session. That took my mind off Mia for a few hours.
My parents started doing tai chi last year and now they are back at it. Their tai chi class meets on Sundays for some reason. Lilly met Tina at Tina's parents apt, which is just a few blocks from us, to work on Lilly Tells It Like It Is. So I had the place to myself for most of the afternoon. Felix and Paul came over and we had an all out jam session. That took my mind off Mia for a few hours.
Not.
It just gave me other things to think about. My mind is never totally "off" Mia. She's always in there, lurking around underneath the surface.
I wonder what she's doing right now. Probably packing for the trip back tomorrow. Why doesn't she call? I refuse to call the Palais de Genovia again. Those operators seem to know exactly who I am now and their tones are smug as if they think it's so "cute" that the Princess Mia has a boyfriend. It's so embarrassing, I can't stand it. They're like, "Ohhhh, c'est Meshelle Mosco-veetz," pronouncing Michael in that horribly feminine French way and making each "i" into a long "e".
Maybe tomorrow I'll kind of casually drop by the Thermopolis loft and hang out with Mrs. T and Mr. G.
No way. That would be so lame. Like I don't have a life.
Well, I don't, do I?
Damn. I'm sad. I don't even have a single astrophysics lecture to attend @ Columbia until the new semester begins.
12.01.2010
Mia and me: Reflections
Saturday, Jan. 17, very late
That stupid made-for-TV movie got it all wrong. Lilly is right about that. And don't think I'm in the habit of conceding that my sister is right about anything.
When I met Mia, she was only my sister's playmate in the first grade and I was in fourth. I didn't really notice her back then. She was only the friend Lilly took with us when we went to the house in Albany for weekends or whatever. She was born on May 1, 1990. All we knew about her then was that her mother was the artist Helen Thermopolis (of whose work my parents are big fans) and that her dad was some big shot politician from Genovia, and that every summer (when Lilly and I went off to Hebrew Camp) she went to hang out with him and her grandmother at their chateau in France. In retrospect, I don't know how we never put the pieces together. I mean, we knew her dad's name. Phillipe Renaldo? That's like having Albert Grimaldi for your dad and not knowing he's the Prince of Monaco, but instead living under the delusion that he is just the minister of state or something. Of course, Albert is probably more famous over here due to being Grace Kelly's son. But still. Prince Phillipe and Mia are Grimaldi cousins. Grimaldi is even one of their many names. But we didn't know that then. We just thought Mia's name was Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis because her mother didn't subject her to the cult of the patriarchy. Mia can be really oblivious to things even when they are staring her in the face. Things like being surrounded by bodyguards who were trained in Israel when you fly to France on the Royal Genovian Jet. See, I didn't know these things at the time, but if I had known, you can bet I would have asked questions. The thing is about Mia is that she lives in her head, and that head is living in the clouds. So I can believe that Mia never noticed that the picture of the young military officer, with a mustache and full of head of hair, on the Genovian currency was actually her DAD before he was BALD and went through chemo. Yep. That is just like Mia. I fully believe it. Now if it was me, I would have noticed. But that's just me!
We had some good times growing up. Mia was always coming over to eat Nana's rugelach or whatever. She says now that she was in love with me even as far back as the first grade. I'm not so sure. Mia has a very wild imagination. Once there is a spark of something, it's fireworks. I mean, full on New Year's Eve fireworks. At age 14, she realizes that she has a major crush on her best friend's older brother, so of course she fancies that she was ALWAYS in love with him. Forget that her first few weeks of high school were tainted by her obsession with Josh Richter's eyes. But whatever. That's just Mia. The Mia I love with all my heart.
I don't kid myself. I wasn't ALWAYS in love with Mia. I wasn't struck by the arrow of Cupid the moment I saw her. Hearts weren't fluttering out of my head. I was just trying to survive peewee hockey! But I don't know. I always liked her. In a big brother sort of way. But not the same as Lilly. I've never liked Lilly. Like, when they fought, I was always on Mia's side. Now that I think about it, I did feel very protective towards Mia in a way that I didn't feel for my actual kid sister. But that could be because I've always known Lilly can take care of herself. Mia can too, of course, but the fact is that Mia has always let Lilly push her around. Mia's problem isn't that she can't take care of herself. It's that she doesn't ASSERT herself. She even lies about her feelings to avoid asserting herself. My parents and Lilly and I (yeah, the whole Moscovitz gang) all recognized this in Mia and have tried in our own ways to extract her inner Chutzpah.
I honestly don't know when I started falling in love with her. It came upon me so gradually. Was I in love with her when I was 12 (and she was 9) and she came to me with questions about Crackhead? Was it love with her when I was 14 (and she was 11) and making out with that one girl at Hebrew Camp? One thing I know: I was in love with Mia when I was fooling around that one Saturday with Judith Gershner last semester. I was just in total denial about it. Even Felix and Paul recognized that I had a thing for Mia. One time I guess I was staring at Mia in the hallway in school (she was walking away) and Felix elbowed me and said, "Dude, she's a freshmen. And your sister's best friend. Get a grip." I was like, "What are you talking about?" And he rolled his eyes and replied, "Oh nothing. Nothing at all." I realize now that he was being a sarcastic asshole. Lilly, my kid sister, recognized it too. God, how deep was my denial? I was totally pulling a Mia in my oblivion. It was staring me in the face. Lilly thought I was walking around the apartment without a shirt on purpose to show my biceps to Mia. Was I? OK, yeah I was. It's never been a habit of mine to walk around without a shirt on, but if I knew Mia was hanging around, I kind of "forgot" to put a shirt on.
The whole Mia-chose-Josh thing in the Post-Armageddon Lifemate Question killed me. It was like a slap in the face or a bucket of ice water being dumped over my head. Suddenly I realized, oh shit, I have the hots for this girl! Apart from wanting to beat Josh Richter into a pulp, I was really worried about him taking advantage of Mia. It was partly that concern that gave me the courage to start trying to get closer to her, like helping her with algebra in G&T. Somehow, focusing on it as a mission to protect her from Josh made being completely lovesick for her more bearable. I don't know. I guess I felt heroic. So I didn't feel all Clark Kent because Lois Lane, being fixated on the man in tights with the big S on his chest, didn't care for the bespectacled fellow reporter. I had to protect Mia from... Lex Luther?
First of all, Mia is way more Lana Lang (Kristin Kreuk) than Lois Lane. Secondly, I consider myself more Han Solo than Superman. I'm just not big on the tights, or the anatomically correct body suit thing.
That stupid made-for-TV movie got it all wrong. Lilly is right about that. And don't think I'm in the habit of conceding that my sister is right about anything.
When I met Mia, she was only my sister's playmate in the first grade and I was in fourth. I didn't really notice her back then. She was only the friend Lilly took with us when we went to the house in Albany for weekends or whatever. She was born on May 1, 1990. All we knew about her then was that her mother was the artist Helen Thermopolis (of whose work my parents are big fans) and that her dad was some big shot politician from Genovia, and that every summer (when Lilly and I went off to Hebrew Camp) she went to hang out with him and her grandmother at their chateau in France. In retrospect, I don't know how we never put the pieces together. I mean, we knew her dad's name. Phillipe Renaldo? That's like having Albert Grimaldi for your dad and not knowing he's the Prince of Monaco, but instead living under the delusion that he is just the minister of state or something. Of course, Albert is probably more famous over here due to being Grace Kelly's son. But still. Prince Phillipe and Mia are Grimaldi cousins. Grimaldi is even one of their many names. But we didn't know that then. We just thought Mia's name was Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis because her mother didn't subject her to the cult of the patriarchy. Mia can be really oblivious to things even when they are staring her in the face. Things like being surrounded by bodyguards who were trained in Israel when you fly to France on the Royal Genovian Jet. See, I didn't know these things at the time, but if I had known, you can bet I would have asked questions. The thing is about Mia is that she lives in her head, and that head is living in the clouds. So I can believe that Mia never noticed that the picture of the young military officer, with a mustache and full of head of hair, on the Genovian currency was actually her DAD before he was BALD and went through chemo. Yep. That is just like Mia. I fully believe it. Now if it was me, I would have noticed. But that's just me!
We had some good times growing up. Mia was always coming over to eat Nana's rugelach or whatever. She says now that she was in love with me even as far back as the first grade. I'm not so sure. Mia has a very wild imagination. Once there is a spark of something, it's fireworks. I mean, full on New Year's Eve fireworks. At age 14, she realizes that she has a major crush on her best friend's older brother, so of course she fancies that she was ALWAYS in love with him. Forget that her first few weeks of high school were tainted by her obsession with Josh Richter's eyes. But whatever. That's just Mia. The Mia I love with all my heart.
I don't kid myself. I wasn't ALWAYS in love with Mia. I wasn't struck by the arrow of Cupid the moment I saw her. Hearts weren't fluttering out of my head. I was just trying to survive peewee hockey! But I don't know. I always liked her. In a big brother sort of way. But not the same as Lilly. I've never liked Lilly. Like, when they fought, I was always on Mia's side. Now that I think about it, I did feel very protective towards Mia in a way that I didn't feel for my actual kid sister. But that could be because I've always known Lilly can take care of herself. Mia can too, of course, but the fact is that Mia has always let Lilly push her around. Mia's problem isn't that she can't take care of herself. It's that she doesn't ASSERT herself. She even lies about her feelings to avoid asserting herself. My parents and Lilly and I (yeah, the whole Moscovitz gang) all recognized this in Mia and have tried in our own ways to extract her inner Chutzpah.
I honestly don't know when I started falling in love with her. It came upon me so gradually. Was I in love with her when I was 12 (and she was 9) and she came to me with questions about Crackhead? Was it love with her when I was 14 (and she was 11) and making out with that one girl at Hebrew Camp? One thing I know: I was in love with Mia when I was fooling around that one Saturday with Judith Gershner last semester. I was just in total denial about it. Even Felix and Paul recognized that I had a thing for Mia. One time I guess I was staring at Mia in the hallway in school (she was walking away) and Felix elbowed me and said, "Dude, she's a freshmen. And your sister's best friend. Get a grip." I was like, "What are you talking about?" And he rolled his eyes and replied, "Oh nothing. Nothing at all." I realize now that he was being a sarcastic asshole. Lilly, my kid sister, recognized it too. God, how deep was my denial? I was totally pulling a Mia in my oblivion. It was staring me in the face. Lilly thought I was walking around the apartment without a shirt on purpose to show my biceps to Mia. Was I? OK, yeah I was. It's never been a habit of mine to walk around without a shirt on, but if I knew Mia was hanging around, I kind of "forgot" to put a shirt on.
The whole Mia-chose-Josh thing in the Post-Armageddon Lifemate Question killed me. It was like a slap in the face or a bucket of ice water being dumped over my head. Suddenly I realized, oh shit, I have the hots for this girl! Apart from wanting to beat Josh Richter into a pulp, I was really worried about him taking advantage of Mia. It was partly that concern that gave me the courage to start trying to get closer to her, like helping her with algebra in G&T. Somehow, focusing on it as a mission to protect her from Josh made being completely lovesick for her more bearable. I don't know. I guess I felt heroic. So I didn't feel all Clark Kent because Lois Lane, being fixated on the man in tights with the big S on his chest, didn't care for the bespectacled fellow reporter. I had to protect Mia from... Lex Luther?
First of all, Mia is way more Lana Lang (Kristin Kreuk) than Lois Lane. Secondly, I consider myself more Han Solo than Superman. I'm just not big on the tights, or the anatomically correct body suit thing.
Home sweet home
Saturday, January 17: NYC, Fifth Avenue, 16th Floor, my room (with all my stuff, incl. Andromeda on the ceiling)
It's great to be home. Michael Moscovitz in any other town is a fish out of water. It's just not natural. Boca is nice, but it's great to have Pavlov licking my face again. There's only one thing missing: Girlfriend. Michael Moscovitz without girlfriend is.... OK, so I've spent my whole life not having a girlfriend. That doesn't mean that now that I have a girlfriend, I can be expected to feel a sense of well being without her in my arms. If anything, since Mia has been my girl (damn, that has a nice ring to it) the world is a brighter, lovelier, cheerier place, you know? But with Mia still in Genovia, and me twiddling my thumbs (not literally) in my room in a whole other time zone, there is a fog in paradise.
Mia was beautiful today. I saw some pictures via Google News. All I can say is, thank you, AP. Thank you, Reuters. Her hair was a little windswept. She wore this brightly colored sun dress and was beaming, but there was a look in her eyes (a look I know well) that spelled restlessness. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I got the strong sense that she is ready to come home. OK, maybe that's just me wanting badly for her to come home! She handed Prince William the Sovereign Cup and looked really embarrassed, and he was all sweaty and red in the face and grinning. I wanted to draw horns on his head. STOP LOOKING AT MY GIRL LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was the "farewell gala" or ball, whatever, for Mia at the Palace. There was another picture of her and Prince William, this time shaking hands he walked by the receiving line. How much more of this can I be expected to take? There was a picture of her dancing with her cousin, that Italian prince who is considered to be some kind of "international playboy." Lots of pictures of her dad and grandmother too.
Oh my mia,
she dances at the ball.
Is she thinking of me?
Oh why won't she call?
How will I get through Sunday and Monday?
Get a grip, Moscovitz. She's been my girlfriend for what, almost 30 days, and already I'm cracKing up. Maybe I'm not cut out for this girlfriend stuff after all. If it's like this all the time.... It won't be. It can't be. Once I see her Tuesday morning, all this gloom I'm feeling right now will be a distant memory. Not even. I won't even remember this! I'll be too busy kissing her neck!
~*Grin*~
Oh geez. I'm typing like a girl now. What is it about Mia that makes act like a giddy little girl?
Things to do tomorrow:
It's great to be home. Michael Moscovitz in any other town is a fish out of water. It's just not natural. Boca is nice, but it's great to have Pavlov licking my face again. There's only one thing missing: Girlfriend. Michael Moscovitz without girlfriend is.... OK, so I've spent my whole life not having a girlfriend. That doesn't mean that now that I have a girlfriend, I can be expected to feel a sense of well being without her in my arms. If anything, since Mia has been my girl (damn, that has a nice ring to it) the world is a brighter, lovelier, cheerier place, you know? But with Mia still in Genovia, and me twiddling my thumbs (not literally) in my room in a whole other time zone, there is a fog in paradise.
Mia was beautiful today. I saw some pictures via Google News. All I can say is, thank you, AP. Thank you, Reuters. Her hair was a little windswept. She wore this brightly colored sun dress and was beaming, but there was a look in her eyes (a look I know well) that spelled restlessness. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I got the strong sense that she is ready to come home. OK, maybe that's just me wanting badly for her to come home! She handed Prince William the Sovereign Cup and looked really embarrassed, and he was all sweaty and red in the face and grinning. I wanted to draw horns on his head. STOP LOOKING AT MY GIRL LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was the "farewell gala" or ball, whatever, for Mia at the Palace. There was another picture of her and Prince William, this time shaking hands he walked by the receiving line. How much more of this can I be expected to take? There was a picture of her dancing with her cousin, that Italian prince who is considered to be some kind of "international playboy." Lots of pictures of her dad and grandmother too.
Oh my mia,
she dances at the ball.
Is she thinking of me?
Oh why won't she call?
How will I get through Sunday and Monday?
Get a grip, Moscovitz. She's been my girlfriend for what, almost 30 days, and already I'm cracKing up. Maybe I'm not cut out for this girlfriend stuff after all. If it's like this all the time.... It won't be. It can't be. Once I see her Tuesday morning, all this gloom I'm feeling right now will be a distant memory. Not even. I won't even remember this! I'll be too busy kissing her neck!
~*Grin*~
Oh geez. I'm typing like a girl now. What is it about Mia that makes act like a giddy little girl?
Things to do tomorrow:
- Finish unpacking
- Buy a frame for my picture of Mia from the Non-Denominational Winter Dance
- Buy more food for Pavlov
- Stop obsessing about those images of Mia and Prince William. It's not even legal for him to date her; well it's the same for me, right? That law sux.
- Ask Lilly (indirectly) about the Jane Eyre thing.
- Decide on a name for the band.
What is she doing? Reading Jane Eyre? Watching princes play polo?
Friday, January 16, the condo, my room
I was talking to Mom today about all the stuff they are making Mia do in Genovia (working my girl to the bone) and I thought I heard Lilly mumble something like "when she's not reading Jane Eyre." What the hell? That book by one of the Bronte sisters? I never read it or any of those Bronte sisters' books except Wuthering Heights because it was required junior year. It was so depressing!!!! I'm surprised Mia would read something like that. She hates depressing shit!
Other than worrying about Mia and falling short in my musical ambitions, I've been packing for the return trip to NYC. The hardest part is finding room for my color printer in my suitcase.
Tomorrow is the day of that polo tournament. Here I'm pasting the article on it from Google News:
Prince William to play Genovian Royal Polo Team; for good causes
AFP -- 16 January 2005
Tomorrow, Prince William of Wales, 22, older son of Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana, will greet the crowds at the Polo Club de Genovia for an event that is to combine glamor and altruism. The annual Tournoi de Polo was organized some years ago by the Riviera principality's sovereign, Prince Phillipe Grimaldi Renaldo, but this is the first time for the young British prince, who is rounding up his education at St. Andrews University in Scotland -- he will have a degree in Geography in June -- to play in the match. "The prince [William] is excited to play his favourite sport at a time when it is unseasonable in his home country!" said a spokesperson for the British royal family during a press conference today. "This is an opportunity for His Royal Highness to indulge a long-held wish to visit Genovia and also to raise a bit of money for his favorite charities."
Indeed. The 7th Tournoi de Polo will raise money for an assortment of charities selected jointly by Prince William and the Royal Family of Genovia. They are: The Prince's Trust, Centrepoint, the new pediatric centre of the Royal General Hospital de Genovia, and Greenpeace International. Prince William is to play for the a team of the Crown Princes of Spain and the Netherlands respectively. Prince Phillipe's team consists of his Italian cousin, Prince René Grimaldi Alberto, and Prince Tassilo of Liechtenstein. Prince Phillipe's daughter, and heiress, the 14-year-old Princess Amelia Grimaldi Renaldo is fully expected to attend the tournament and do the honours of presenting the Sovereign Cup to the winning team. Commonly known as "Mia," the American-born royal has been making her introduction to the Genovian people over whom she is expected to rule.
Why is Mia the only female who is mentioned here? Will her grandmother be there to scare those polo players away from my girl?
Is Mia likely to go for a polo type? They work those horses pretty hard. She won't like that. Mia doesn't like anything that causes discomfort to animals.
Four more days!
I was talking to Mom today about all the stuff they are making Mia do in Genovia (working my girl to the bone) and I thought I heard Lilly mumble something like "when she's not reading Jane Eyre." What the hell? That book by one of the Bronte sisters? I never read it or any of those Bronte sisters' books except Wuthering Heights because it was required junior year. It was so depressing!!!! I'm surprised Mia would read something like that. She hates depressing shit!
Other than worrying about Mia and falling short in my musical ambitions, I've been packing for the return trip to NYC. The hardest part is finding room for my color printer in my suitcase.
Tomorrow is the day of that polo tournament. Here I'm pasting the article on it from Google News:
Prince William to play Genovian Royal Polo Team; for good causes
AFP -- 16 January 2005
Tomorrow, Prince William of Wales, 22, older son of Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana, will greet the crowds at the Polo Club de Genovia for an event that is to combine glamor and altruism. The annual Tournoi de Polo was organized some years ago by the Riviera principality's sovereign, Prince Phillipe Grimaldi Renaldo, but this is the first time for the young British prince, who is rounding up his education at St. Andrews University in Scotland -- he will have a degree in Geography in June -- to play in the match. "The prince [William] is excited to play his favourite sport at a time when it is unseasonable in his home country!" said a spokesperson for the British royal family during a press conference today. "This is an opportunity for His Royal Highness to indulge a long-held wish to visit Genovia and also to raise a bit of money for his favorite charities."
Indeed. The 7th Tournoi de Polo will raise money for an assortment of charities selected jointly by Prince William and the Royal Family of Genovia. They are: The Prince's Trust, Centrepoint, the new pediatric centre of the Royal General Hospital de Genovia, and Greenpeace International. Prince William is to play for the a team of the Crown Princes of Spain and the Netherlands respectively. Prince Phillipe's team consists of his Italian cousin, Prince René Grimaldi Alberto, and Prince Tassilo of Liechtenstein. Prince Phillipe's daughter, and heiress, the 14-year-old Princess Amelia Grimaldi Renaldo is fully expected to attend the tournament and do the honours of presenting the Sovereign Cup to the winning team. Commonly known as "Mia," the American-born royal has been making her introduction to the Genovian people over whom she is expected to rule.
Why is Mia the only female who is mentioned here? Will her grandmother be there to scare those polo players away from my girl?
Is Mia likely to go for a polo type? They work those horses pretty hard. She won't like that. Mia doesn't like anything that causes discomfort to animals.
Four more days!
Inspiration from His Bobness
Thursday, January 15, condo/my room
I must have listened to my entire Bob Dylan collection.
How can I too be the voice of a generation?
It'd be nice but I'll be happy if I can just talk to/see my girlfriend.
Five more days.
I must have listened to my entire Bob Dylan collection.
How can I too be the voice of a generation?
It'd be nice but I'll be happy if I can just talk to/see my girlfriend.
Five more days.
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